1 00:00:02,127 --> 00:00:03,795 - Hi. 2 00:00:03,795 --> 00:00:05,213 Hi. 3 00:02:30,817 --> 00:02:31,776 ' Ah! 4 00:02:31,777 --> 00:02:33,153 - Ralph. 5 00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:34,988 This place is a mess. 6 00:02:34,988 --> 00:02:37,156 - Mom, I'm trying to practice. 7 00:02:37,157 --> 00:02:38,199 - Well honey could you do me a favor 8 00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:40,035 and lock up tonight? 9 00:02:40,035 --> 00:02:42,829 I got a date with a very nice man. 10 00:02:43,872 --> 00:02:45,415 - Who is it this time mom? 11 00:02:45,415 --> 00:02:46,874 - Well I'm not sure yet but I will know 12 00:02:46,875 --> 00:02:48,543 him when I see him. 13 00:02:51,129 --> 00:02:52,505 Oh. 14 00:02:52,506 --> 00:02:54,174 I always forget. 15 00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:55,550 - Mom, I've always meant to ask you, 16 00:02:55,550 --> 00:02:57,093 how do you put your makeup on? 17 00:02:57,094 --> 00:02:58,386 - Practice. 18 00:02:58,387 --> 00:03:00,430 - Ralphie, how do I look? 19 00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:06,436 - You look great, mom. 20 00:03:07,312 --> 00:03:10,273 - 00o, that's why I love my Ralphie. 21 00:03:12,859 --> 00:03:14,902 My boy, my boy, mama boy. 22 00:03:54,818 --> 00:03:55,777 - Hey Ralph- 23 00:03:58,280 --> 00:03:59,072 Ralphie. 24 00:04:00,741 --> 00:04:02,492 - What do you want? 25 00:04:02,492 --> 00:04:04,702 - Come here and talk to me. 26 00:04:08,540 --> 00:04:09,582 How's it hangin'? 27 00:04:09,583 --> 00:04:11,334 - Is that all you wanted? 28 00:04:11,334 --> 00:04:14,337 To ask me, "How's it hangin'?" 29 00:04:14,337 --> 00:04:17,006 - Come on Ralphie, I'm worried about you. 30 00:04:17,007 --> 00:04:20,051 A couple of hours it's gonna be Friday the 13th. 31 00:04:20,051 --> 00:04:22,636 Let me guess, you have a headache, right? 32 00:04:22,637 --> 00:04:24,472 - Right, and a sore throat, too. 33 00:04:24,473 --> 00:04:25,640 - And you think you're coming down with the flu 34 00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:27,516 or something really serious, right? 35 00:04:27,517 --> 00:04:29,685 - Right, I just can't go through with this again. 36 00:04:29,686 --> 00:04:31,062 - Let me see your tongue. 37 00:04:31,062 --> 00:04:31,854 Come on. 38 00:04:36,151 --> 00:04:37,861 Nah, it doesn't look too bad. 39 00:04:37,861 --> 00:04:39,070 Is that a new retainer? 40 00:04:39,070 --> 00:04:40,446 - Yeah, it hurts like heck. 41 00:04:42,365 --> 00:04:43,240 - I'm sorry. 42 00:04:43,241 --> 00:04:45,451 I know, this legend thing is tough. 43 00:04:45,452 --> 00:04:48,079 Let's take a moment and reflect. 44 00:04:49,164 --> 00:04:50,081 Reflect! 45 00:04:50,081 --> 00:04:50,915 Get it? 46 00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:52,333 Mirror, reflect. 47 00:04:52,542 --> 00:04:54,627 God, I kill myself. 48 00:04:54,628 --> 00:04:57,213 - Reflect, real funny. 49 00:04:57,214 --> 00:04:59,883 Sometimes I really hate that guy. 50 00:04:59,883 --> 00:05:00,717 What am I saying? 51 00:05:00,717 --> 00:05:01,968 He's me. 52 00:05:01,968 --> 00:05:04,053 I guess that means I hate myself. 53 00:05:04,054 --> 00:05:06,181 Why am I confused? 54 00:05:16,983 --> 00:05:19,610 Vampires are so misunderstand. 55 00:05:19,611 --> 00:05:22,488 - Well you gotta admit, they got a bloodthirsty reputation. 56 00:05:22,489 --> 00:05:24,282 - Do I look bloodthirsty? 57 00:05:24,282 --> 00:05:27,535 I can't stand the sight of blood, I swear, I faint. 58 00:05:27,536 --> 00:05:28,703 - What about garlic? 59 00:05:28,703 --> 00:05:29,912 - I cook with it all the time. 60 00:05:29,913 --> 00:05:30,955 It's good for colds. 61 00:05:30,956 --> 00:05:31,790 Did you know that? 62 00:05:31,790 --> 00:05:33,666 - Let me see if I can get this straight. 63 00:05:33,667 --> 00:05:35,502 Around the middle of the 16th century, you-- 64 00:05:35,502 --> 00:05:36,753 - 17th, right? 65 00:05:36,753 --> 00:05:38,045 - Right. 66 00:05:38,046 --> 00:05:39,422 - Whenever. 67 00:05:39,422 --> 00:05:40,714 A long time ago. 68 00:05:41,967 --> 00:05:45,303 You met this girl, you fell in love. 69 00:05:45,303 --> 00:05:47,763 But there was a problem, she had a boyfriend. 70 00:05:47,764 --> 00:05:48,598 - A pirate. 71 00:05:48,598 --> 00:05:49,432 - A pirate? 72 00:05:49,432 --> 00:05:50,349 - Pirate. 73 00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:51,225 - Whatever. 74 00:05:52,394 --> 00:05:54,270 Now, she loved you, right? 75 00:05:54,271 --> 00:05:55,939 So you were gonna slip off, get married, 76 00:05:55,939 --> 00:05:58,107 when old peg leg finds out, has a shit fit 77 00:05:58,108 --> 00:05:59,025 and comes after you. 78 00:05:59,025 --> 00:05:59,984 - Pissed as hell. 79 00:05:59,985 --> 00:06:03,113 - I just established his mental state. 80 00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:06,116 So there's a fight. 81 00:06:06,116 --> 00:06:08,034 Peg leg loses his sword and what's her name 82 00:06:08,034 --> 00:06:10,369 gets killed by a blow to the head with a ham bone? 83 00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:11,204 - Mona. 84 00:06:11,204 --> 00:06:12,246 Her name was Mona. 85 00:06:12,247 --> 00:06:13,122 - Whatever. 86 00:06:14,416 --> 00:06:16,167 You tried to save her, but what could you do 87 00:06:16,167 --> 00:06:18,085 in the face of 20 pissed off pirate friends 88 00:06:18,086 --> 00:06:20,004 of peg leg's, who were going to turn you 89 00:06:20,005 --> 00:06:21,798 into bat meat and so you beat it. 90 00:06:21,798 --> 00:06:24,217 - He escaped by the skin of his teeth. 91 00:06:24,217 --> 00:06:25,801 - Right. 92 00:06:25,802 --> 00:06:27,094 And since she was killed before you could 93 00:06:27,095 --> 00:06:28,888 fulfill your preordained lot-- 94 00:06:28,889 --> 00:06:31,808 - Before he could give her that final, fatal kiss 95 00:06:31,808 --> 00:06:33,309 and turn her into a vampire. 96 00:06:33,310 --> 00:06:34,185 - Whatever. 97 00:06:35,353 --> 00:06:38,898 She is now reincarnated every 22 years 98 00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:40,734 until you two can get it right, right? 99 00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:41,568 - Right. 100 00:06:41,568 --> 00:06:43,027 - And so tomorrow you are gonna meet her 101 00:06:43,028 --> 00:06:45,155 as you've done every 22 years, 102 00:06:45,155 --> 00:06:46,364 you'll fall in love, 103 00:06:46,364 --> 00:06:47,907 and unless you save her, 104 00:06:47,908 --> 00:06:51,578 this crazed pirate with a rhinestone peg leg will kill her. 105 00:06:51,578 --> 00:06:52,996 - On Halloween. 106 00:06:52,996 --> 00:06:54,539 - You got it. 107 00:06:54,539 --> 00:06:56,249 - What are you gonna do? 108 00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:57,792 - I'm gonna do what I should have done years ago. 109 00:06:57,792 --> 00:06:59,126 I'm gonna lock myself in my room 110 00:06:59,127 --> 00:07:01,504 and avoid this whole thing. 111 00:07:01,504 --> 00:07:03,172 - Well, you're not gonna meet her? 112 00:07:03,173 --> 00:07:04,924 - You're not gonna fall in love? 113 00:07:04,925 --> 00:07:07,385 - She's better off without me. 114 00:07:12,849 --> 00:07:15,893 - Man, that dude's sure got the blues. 115 00:07:15,894 --> 00:07:16,686 Mm mm mm. 116 00:07:29,699 --> 00:07:31,200 - He just ran out in front of us. 117 00:07:31,201 --> 00:07:33,494 - Look he's moving. 118 00:07:33,495 --> 00:07:35,288 - Are you alright? 119 00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:36,706 - Oh god, Mona. 120 00:07:36,706 --> 00:07:38,290 - Why don't you watch where you're going? 121 00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:41,669 I could have, how did you know my name? 122 00:07:41,670 --> 00:07:42,921 - I don't know your name. 123 00:07:42,921 --> 00:07:43,755 You don't know my name. 124 00:07:43,755 --> 00:07:46,299 Just pretend this never happened, okay? 125 00:07:46,299 --> 00:07:48,134 - It never would have happened if you hadn't 126 00:07:48,134 --> 00:07:50,177 jumped out in front of my car. 127 00:07:50,178 --> 00:07:52,471 I hope for your sake my gear isn't crashed. 128 00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:54,515 - Just forget you ever saw me, okay, 'cause the next 129 00:07:54,516 --> 00:07:56,434 thing you know, we're gonna go out on a date 130 00:07:56,434 --> 00:08:00,020 and we're gonna fall in love and then some crazy pirate's 131 00:08:00,021 --> 00:08:02,481 gonna peg with you a ham bone. 132 00:08:08,321 --> 00:08:09,655 - HEY- 133 00:08:09,656 --> 00:08:11,407 You forgot your hat. 134 00:08:11,408 --> 00:08:12,700 - What a weirdo. 135 00:08:19,708 --> 00:08:20,625 - What? 136 00:08:20,625 --> 00:08:22,376 - You ran away from her didn't you? 137 00:08:22,377 --> 00:08:24,087 - For your information, I didn't just run away, 138 00:08:24,087 --> 00:08:25,171 I had a plan. 139 00:08:25,171 --> 00:08:26,005 - Really? 140 00:08:26,006 --> 00:08:26,840 And what was that? 141 00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:29,467 - I ran, I left, so she doesn't get involved with me. 142 00:08:29,467 --> 00:08:31,552 She doesn't get involved with me, we don't fall in love, 143 00:08:31,553 --> 00:08:32,887 she doesn't die, get it? 144 00:08:32,887 --> 00:08:35,055 - Make a left at MIT, Einstein. 145 00:08:35,056 --> 00:08:37,266 - It's about this, Mr. Wise Guy. 146 00:08:37,267 --> 00:08:39,102 This happens every 22 years so that means 147 00:08:39,102 --> 00:08:42,230 in the last 400 years, I have met, fallen in love, 148 00:08:42,230 --> 00:08:44,941 and lost Mona 14.5 times. 149 00:08:44,941 --> 00:08:46,442 - Talk about coitus interuptus. 150 00:08:46,443 --> 00:08:47,777 - And every time it gets worse. 151 00:08:47,777 --> 00:08:49,862 This time, no way, forget it. 152 00:08:49,863 --> 00:08:51,447 - That's right. 153 00:08:51,448 --> 00:08:53,616 Forget it, just forget the fact that we are 154 00:08:53,616 --> 00:08:56,327 the oldest living virgins walking the planet. 155 00:08:56,327 --> 00:08:57,286 - What are you talking about? 156 00:08:57,287 --> 00:08:58,371 You are the biggest slut I know. 157 00:08:58,371 --> 00:09:00,289 Every time I see you with a different girl. 158 00:09:00,290 --> 00:09:01,958 - They mean nothing to me, Ralph. 159 00:09:01,958 --> 00:09:02,875 It's Mona. 160 00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:04,294 I want you to get Mona. 161 00:09:04,294 --> 00:09:07,380 That means I get out of this crazy mirror thing. 162 00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:09,840 It's like a prison in here, Ralph. 163 00:09:09,841 --> 00:09:11,259 Everything's backwards. 164 00:09:11,259 --> 00:09:12,301 - I knew it, I knew it. 165 00:09:12,302 --> 00:09:14,637 This is about you, this is always about you. 166 00:09:14,637 --> 00:09:16,347 - Wrong, Ralphfalfa. 167 00:09:16,347 --> 00:09:17,890 It's about you. 168 00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:18,933 Because any way you look at it, 169 00:09:18,933 --> 00:09:21,602 she's got two weeks 'til she bites the big one. 170 00:09:27,859 --> 00:09:29,694 - What's wrong? 171 00:09:29,694 --> 00:09:30,486 - Nothing. 172 00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:34,324 I was just thinking about the accident and-- 173 00:09:34,324 --> 00:09:35,908 - Did somebody say accident? 174 00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:36,868 - Yeah. 175 00:09:36,868 --> 00:09:38,411 We had an accident. 176 00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:40,287 - Just set it up over there. 177 00:09:40,288 --> 00:09:41,497 What kind of an accident? 178 00:09:41,498 --> 00:09:43,791 None of my equipment's damaged, I hope. 179 00:09:43,792 --> 00:09:45,710 You know, I got a hell of a deal on this stuff. 180 00:09:45,710 --> 00:09:46,794 When you're working with a guy like me, 181 00:09:46,795 --> 00:09:48,421 that's what we're talking, deals. 182 00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:50,005 Let me just show you this little gizmo. 183 00:09:50,006 --> 00:09:51,465 This is the most amazing device. 184 00:09:51,466 --> 00:09:53,384 It samples anything from babies crying 185 00:09:53,384 --> 00:09:54,927 to dogs barking. 186 00:09:54,928 --> 00:09:56,471 Hey, what's the matter with this thing? 187 00:09:56,471 --> 00:09:57,930 It wasn't this that got broken, was it? 188 00:09:57,931 --> 00:09:58,848 - Broken? 189 00:09:58,848 --> 00:09:59,682 - In the accident. 190 00:09:59,682 --> 00:10:01,517 - Stanley, it's not broken. 191 00:10:01,518 --> 00:10:03,853 Besides, it was a car accident. 192 00:10:03,853 --> 00:10:05,396 We're trying to rehearse. 193 00:10:05,396 --> 00:10:06,814 - Car accident? 194 00:10:06,815 --> 00:10:08,483 Nobody killed I hope. 195 00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:10,359 Hit it boys. 196 00:10:24,707 --> 00:10:26,583 Howdy folks, Stan "The Man' Wilson here 197 00:10:26,584 --> 00:10:28,961 from Stanley's Deathpark where we take the death 198 00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:29,879 out of dying. 199 00:10:29,879 --> 00:10:31,630 This Sunday marks our Heaven on Earth sale 200 00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:34,008 and let's face it folks, it's a sale that some of you 201 00:10:34,008 --> 00:10:36,176 aren't going to miss. 202 00:10:36,177 --> 00:10:37,428 Take a look at this baby, 203 00:10:37,428 --> 00:10:39,346 the streamlined Death 2000, 204 00:10:39,347 --> 00:10:40,306 our top of the line. 205 00:10:40,306 --> 00:10:43,350 This week, yours for only $1995. 206 00:10:43,351 --> 00:10:45,311 A little steep, do I hear you say? 207 00:10:45,311 --> 00:10:46,812 Then how about going Dutch on our 208 00:10:46,813 --> 00:10:50,566 eternal economy model, only $100 over factory invoice. 209 00:10:50,567 --> 00:10:51,401 How do we do it? 210 00:10:51,401 --> 00:10:53,611 Volume, volume, volume. 211 00:10:53,611 --> 00:10:55,738 So, bring the family, come on down and while you're here, 212 00:10:55,738 --> 00:10:59,158 check out our revolutionary cryogenic process. 213 00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:01,578 Open 12 to 12 for your shopping convenience. 214 00:11:01,578 --> 00:11:02,537 See ya here. 215 00:11:24,642 --> 00:11:27,853 Listen, I directed it myself, you know? 216 00:11:27,854 --> 00:11:31,065 So, uh, what do you think, angel cakes? 217 00:11:33,526 --> 00:11:36,153 - I thought it was kind of cute. 218 00:12:23,910 --> 00:12:26,078 - Ralphie, is that you? 219 00:12:26,079 --> 00:12:28,081 - Drat. 220 00:12:28,081 --> 00:12:29,165 Hi, mom. 221 00:12:29,165 --> 00:12:30,207 - It's about time you got home. 222 00:12:30,208 --> 00:12:32,126 I was getting worried about you, honey. 223 00:12:32,126 --> 00:12:33,377 Could you give me a hand with this? 224 00:12:33,378 --> 00:12:34,837 - Sure. 225 00:12:39,509 --> 00:12:40,343 You been here long? 226 00:12:40,343 --> 00:12:41,344 - Oh, Heaven's no. 227 00:12:41,344 --> 00:12:44,597 I've been here, I mean, we've been here, for hours. 228 00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:45,472 - Who's we? 229 00:12:46,391 --> 00:12:48,768 - I've almost located the Spanish galleon. 230 00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:49,685 It's close. 231 00:12:49,686 --> 00:12:50,895 I can feel it. 232 00:12:50,895 --> 00:12:52,187 - Great, Jacques Cousteau. 233 00:12:52,188 --> 00:12:55,524 - Just follow that trail of deblooms, Big Al. 234 00:12:55,525 --> 00:12:56,609 Ah. 235 00:12:56,609 --> 00:12:58,694 Big Al, this is my brother, Ralph. 236 00:12:58,695 --> 00:13:01,072 - Big Al Johnson, scrap iron, St. Louis. 237 00:13:01,072 --> 00:13:03,074 - I'm Little Ralph Levee. 238 00:13:03,074 --> 00:13:04,366 - So what's your game Little Ralph? 239 00:13:04,367 --> 00:13:05,201 - Game? 240 00:13:05,201 --> 00:13:06,994 - Yeah, what do you do? 241 00:13:06,995 --> 00:13:08,329 - I'm a vampire. 242 00:13:23,219 --> 00:13:25,304 You make me sick. 243 00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:26,347 - What? 244 00:13:26,347 --> 00:13:27,848 I'm clean. 245 00:13:27,849 --> 00:13:30,476 This is, no, not now, no. 246 00:13:30,476 --> 00:13:33,103 1-- 247 00:13:33,104 --> 00:13:35,314 - I'll deal with you later. 248 00:13:40,778 --> 00:13:43,655 I was just going to bed mom, could you hit the light? 249 00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:44,782 - In a minute. 250 00:13:46,909 --> 00:13:48,076 So. 251 00:13:48,077 --> 00:13:49,286 Tell me about your night. 252 00:13:49,287 --> 00:13:50,955 - There's nothing to tell. 253 00:13:50,955 --> 00:13:53,916 - Come on, honey, I know what day it is. 254 00:13:53,916 --> 00:13:54,917 You met her, didn't you? 255 00:13:54,917 --> 00:13:55,751 - I didn't meet her. 256 00:13:55,752 --> 00:13:57,503 I told you, I've had it with the legend ruining my life 257 00:13:57,503 --> 00:13:58,837 every 22 years. 258 00:13:58,838 --> 00:14:00,798 - Ralphie, where's your hat? 259 00:14:00,798 --> 00:14:02,466 - I must have lost it in the car acc-- 260 00:14:02,467 --> 00:14:04,177 Card, card game. 261 00:14:04,177 --> 00:14:06,512 I lost it in a card game, mom. 262 00:14:06,512 --> 00:14:08,096 - Well, okay. 263 00:14:08,097 --> 00:14:09,098 It's your legacy. 264 00:14:09,098 --> 00:14:10,724 You can do anything you want with it. 265 00:14:10,725 --> 00:14:12,476 But whether you've met her or not, 266 00:14:12,477 --> 00:14:13,895 that poor girl is gonna die in two weeks 267 00:14:13,895 --> 00:14:16,606 unless you do something about it. 268 00:14:25,198 --> 00:14:26,407 Honey. 269 00:14:26,407 --> 00:14:27,366 Go to sleep. 270 00:16:11,512 --> 00:16:12,304 - HEY- 271 00:16:20,396 --> 00:16:21,188 ' No! 272 00:16:39,707 --> 00:16:40,499 - HEY- 273 00:16:41,918 --> 00:16:43,336 - Is it true that you've forsaken your legacy 274 00:16:43,336 --> 00:16:46,130 and the girl of your dreams? 275 00:16:46,130 --> 00:16:46,922 - What? 276 00:17:08,694 --> 00:17:09,486 No. 277 00:17:19,288 --> 00:17:21,707 - Ralph, what are you doing? 278 00:17:21,707 --> 00:17:23,083 Ralph, answer me. 279 00:17:24,043 --> 00:17:25,419 - I'm gonna find her. 280 00:17:25,419 --> 00:17:26,420 - And do what? 281 00:17:26,420 --> 00:17:27,254 - What do you think? 282 00:17:27,255 --> 00:17:28,089 I'm gonna save her. 283 00:17:28,089 --> 00:17:29,465 - Yeah, I've heard that song before. 284 00:17:29,465 --> 00:17:30,799 - No, no, it's different. 285 00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:32,218 I just have this feeling that if I don't save her 286 00:17:32,218 --> 00:17:35,679 this time, I'm gonna lose her forever. 287 00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:36,681 You're no exactly playing 288 00:17:36,681 --> 00:17:38,557 major league ball now. 289 00:17:38,558 --> 00:17:39,392 What are you? 290 00:17:39,392 --> 00:17:40,226 Zero for fourteen. 291 00:17:40,226 --> 00:17:42,853 Oh excuse me, is it 15 now? 292 00:17:42,853 --> 00:17:44,980 - You're a total dick you know that? 293 00:17:47,942 --> 00:17:49,360 - You're gonna go out in the sunlight? 294 00:17:49,360 --> 00:17:50,861 - I'm protected. 295 00:17:50,861 --> 00:17:51,903 - Brave man. 296 00:17:51,904 --> 00:17:54,031 How you gonna find her? 297 00:17:54,031 --> 00:17:54,865 - She's in a band. 298 00:17:54,865 --> 00:17:56,116 How hard could she be to find? 299 00:17:56,117 --> 00:17:58,869 - Ralph, there must be 15,000 bands in the tri-state area. 300 00:17:58,869 --> 00:18:00,287 That's a lot of ground. 301 00:18:00,288 --> 00:18:01,789 How are you gonna cover it? 302 00:18:01,789 --> 00:18:03,499 - I'm a vampire, I'll fly. 303 00:18:03,499 --> 00:18:04,791 - No, no, no! 304 00:18:04,792 --> 00:18:08,921 Ow! OW! ow, ow, ow. 305 00:18:17,054 --> 00:18:19,347 - I think I'll take the bus. 306 00:18:20,474 --> 00:18:21,683 - What a loser. 307 00:20:14,964 --> 00:20:16,674 Hey Ralphie, you wanna play some hoop? 308 00:20:21,387 --> 00:20:23,764 Have you seen a yellow brick road around here? 309 00:20:23,764 --> 00:20:25,974 - Do you think I'm doing the right thing? 310 00:20:25,975 --> 00:20:27,393 - What do you mean? 311 00:20:27,393 --> 00:20:30,145 - I mean, maybe I wasn't meant to find Mona. 312 00:20:30,146 --> 00:20:32,982 Maybe this is just some sort of karmic debt 313 00:20:32,982 --> 00:20:33,899 I'm Paving off. 314 00:20:33,899 --> 00:20:36,484 Maybe my first instincts were right. 315 00:20:36,485 --> 00:20:39,529 Maybe I should just forget about this whole thing 316 00:20:39,530 --> 00:20:41,365 and join a monastery. 317 00:20:41,365 --> 00:20:43,283 But, what about Mona? 318 00:20:43,284 --> 00:20:46,203 What sort of everlasting hell am I damning her to? 319 00:20:46,203 --> 00:20:47,829 Mai/be, no, yeah, no. 320 00:20:48,831 --> 00:20:49,748 I should be strong. 321 00:20:49,749 --> 00:20:50,958 I'll be strong. 322 00:20:50,958 --> 00:20:51,792 - HEY- 323 00:20:51,792 --> 00:20:52,626 Would you make up your mind? 324 00:20:52,626 --> 00:20:55,670 I'm feeling like Sonny and Cher here. 325 00:20:59,341 --> 00:21:00,467 That's better. 326 00:21:01,385 --> 00:21:02,844 I wonder if, uh... 327 00:21:06,682 --> 00:21:08,892 Ralph, would you look at the size of this? 328 00:21:08,893 --> 00:21:12,271 - Oh Christ, would you put that thing away? 329 00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:13,230 Listen. 330 00:21:13,230 --> 00:21:15,023 If you were meant to find Mona, you will. 331 00:21:15,024 --> 00:21:17,901 If you weren't you won't, so relax. 332 00:21:23,365 --> 00:21:24,657 See what I mean? 333 00:25:24,273 --> 00:25:25,274 - Oh my god, 334 00:25:25,274 --> 00:25:26,233 That's him. 335 00:25:26,233 --> 00:25:27,609 - That's who? 336 00:25:27,609 --> 00:25:28,443 Where? 337 00:25:28,444 --> 00:25:30,654 - Stay here. 338 00:25:41,206 --> 00:25:42,040 Who are you? 339 00:25:42,041 --> 00:25:43,500 - I'm Ralph. 340 00:25:43,500 --> 00:25:44,501 I like your music. 341 00:25:44,501 --> 00:25:46,961 It's kind of wild, kind of now, kind of-- 342 00:25:46,962 --> 00:25:48,505 - Why are you following me? 343 00:25:48,505 --> 00:25:49,756 - I'm not following you. 344 00:25:49,757 --> 00:25:51,216 - Yes you are. 345 00:25:51,216 --> 00:25:53,051 - Okay, I'm following you. 346 00:25:53,052 --> 00:25:55,429 I'm a big fan of yours from way back. 347 00:25:55,429 --> 00:25:56,638 - Who are you? 348 00:25:56,638 --> 00:25:57,764 - I told you, I'm Ralph-- 349 00:25:57,765 --> 00:25:59,683 - No, I mean, what do you do? 350 00:25:59,683 --> 00:26:01,101 Are you a musician? 351 00:26:01,101 --> 00:26:02,102 - YES. 352 00:26:02,102 --> 00:26:03,394 - Do you have a band? 353 00:26:03,395 --> 00:26:04,646 0" do YOU play by yourself? 354 00:26:04,646 --> 00:26:05,938 - Um, yes. 355 00:26:05,939 --> 00:26:07,565 - Yes, what? 356 00:26:07,566 --> 00:26:09,401 - Yes, I have a band. 357 00:26:09,401 --> 00:26:10,693 - What's the name? 358 00:26:10,694 --> 00:26:11,611 - The name. 359 00:26:11,612 --> 00:26:13,238 - Of the band. 360 00:26:13,238 --> 00:26:14,113 - Um. 361 00:26:14,114 --> 00:26:16,074 We haven't decided yet. 362 00:26:16,075 --> 00:26:19,036 - Oh, um, well what kind of music? 363 00:26:19,036 --> 00:26:23,536 - Well the music, we're not sure yet what it is. 364 00:26:23,707 --> 00:26:25,083 - Well, 365 00:26:25,084 --> 00:26:26,960 do YOU play around? 366 00:26:29,421 --> 00:26:30,713 - Excuse me? 367 00:26:30,714 --> 00:26:33,508 - Your band, are you playing any gigs anywhere? 368 00:26:33,509 --> 00:26:36,637 -- Gigs, yes, all the time, lt's amazing, yeah, yeah. 369 00:26:36,637 --> 00:26:38,347 - You are very strange, Ralph. 370 00:26:39,181 --> 00:26:40,932 - Mona, darling, I've got some terribly important people 371 00:26:40,933 --> 00:26:42,142 just dying to meet you. 372 00:26:42,142 --> 00:26:43,393 Will you excuse us? 373 00:26:43,393 --> 00:26:44,227 - Yeah. 374 00:26:44,228 --> 00:26:46,647 - Um, it was so nice to see you again. 375 00:26:46,647 --> 00:26:48,690 Maybe I'll come see your band sometime. 376 00:26:48,690 --> 00:26:49,482 - Maybe. 377 00:26:51,318 --> 00:26:52,944 - Who is that twerp? 378 00:26:54,404 --> 00:26:56,614 - Hey hey little man. 379 00:26:56,615 --> 00:26:57,741 Can I help ya? 380 00:26:58,784 --> 00:26:59,951 - No, I'm enjoying this party-- 381 00:26:59,952 --> 00:27:01,119 - Hey, what's this? 382 00:27:01,120 --> 00:27:01,995 Ouch! 383 00:27:01,995 --> 00:27:03,496 - Bounce him. 384 00:27:15,175 --> 00:27:17,594 - Now let me get this straight. 385 00:27:17,594 --> 00:27:19,637 You decided to find her. 386 00:27:19,638 --> 00:27:20,847 - And once you found her? 387 00:27:20,848 --> 00:27:24,059 - I turned into a blithering idiot. 388 00:27:30,691 --> 00:27:34,986 There was a moment there, when she was onstage, 389 00:27:34,987 --> 00:27:36,613 and our eyes locked, 390 00:27:38,740 --> 00:27:42,034 it was like time stood still, you know? 391 00:27:42,953 --> 00:27:43,787 What is wrong with me? 392 00:27:43,787 --> 00:27:46,790 I am a musician, and a pretty darn good one at that. 393 00:27:46,790 --> 00:27:48,708 - So, what happened? 394 00:27:53,672 --> 00:27:55,757 - Let's face it, I don't have what it takes. 395 00:27:55,757 --> 00:27:58,468 How can I save her if I can't even talk to her? 396 00:27:58,468 --> 00:28:00,845 "Maybe I'll see your band sometime" she says. 397 00:28:00,846 --> 00:28:02,597 What a joke. 398 00:28:05,767 --> 00:28:06,601 - Why don't you-- 399 00:28:06,602 --> 00:28:07,436 - Why don't you-- 400 00:28:07,436 --> 00:28:11,606 Start my own band. 401 00:28:46,433 --> 00:28:47,350 - You're doing what? 402 00:28:47,351 --> 00:28:49,019 Starting a rock band? 403 00:28:49,019 --> 00:28:51,646 A vampire in a rock band. 404 00:28:51,647 --> 00:28:52,981 What are you going to call it? 405 00:28:52,981 --> 00:28:53,773 Rockula? 406 00:28:54,983 --> 00:28:56,067 - Rockula? 407 00:28:56,068 --> 00:28:56,860 - Rockula. 408 00:29:24,846 --> 00:29:26,347 - Like, um, 409 00:29:26,348 --> 00:29:28,433 'cause just like my psychic says, 410 00:29:28,433 --> 00:29:31,352 death, right, is just a stepping stone to rebirth. 411 00:29:31,353 --> 00:29:33,563 I mean, I think it was Nietzsche that said I'm just 412 00:29:33,563 --> 00:29:35,982 "Living to die and dying to live." 413 00:29:35,983 --> 00:29:36,817 - Nietzsche said that? 414 00:29:36,817 --> 00:29:38,443 - Yeah, you know, Johnny Nietzsche, 415 00:29:38,443 --> 00:29:42,113 in that band, uh, Marvin Gandhi and the Monkeyshines. 416 00:29:42,114 --> 00:29:43,073 New age reggae. 417 00:29:43,073 --> 00:29:44,616 - You're such a dork, Stanley. 418 00:29:44,616 --> 00:29:46,242 - You take that back. 419 00:29:46,243 --> 00:29:47,285 - Okay -. 420 00:29:47,286 --> 00:29:49,037 You're an egotistical, pseudo-intellectual, 421 00:29:49,037 --> 00:29:50,663 money grubbing slut. 422 00:29:53,250 --> 00:29:54,459 - I'll buy that. 423 00:29:54,459 --> 00:29:56,085 - Hey! 424 00:29:56,086 --> 00:29:57,378 Thank you! 425 00:30:00,507 --> 00:30:04,302 I'm Ted Brady, this is Club Hell, thanks for coming, kids. 426 00:30:08,598 --> 00:30:12,018 You kids, you kids, are rock 'n roll, 427 00:30:12,019 --> 00:30:14,062 you are the rock 'n roll, 428 00:30:15,480 --> 00:30:17,398 and this kid is Rockula. 429 00:32:12,556 --> 00:32:16,142 - Some chow mein and a bowl of steamed rice, please. 430 00:32:16,143 --> 00:32:16,935 Thank you. 431 00:33:26,922 --> 00:33:28,131 - Where's Mona? 432 00:33:35,388 --> 00:33:37,890 - Rockula, that sounds of yours is just great. 433 00:33:37,891 --> 00:33:39,726 - I saw you rock, man, I want my sick gloves back. 434 00:33:39,726 --> 00:33:40,643 - Killer lesson. 435 00:33:40,644 --> 00:33:42,103 - Totally styling. 436 00:33:46,107 --> 00:33:48,317 - Hey dude, move your gear. 437 00:33:59,746 --> 00:34:00,830 - I'm still trying to figure out 438 00:34:00,830 --> 00:34:02,122 where I know you from. 439 00:34:02,123 --> 00:34:04,041 You seem so familiar to me. 440 00:34:04,042 --> 00:34:05,543 Maybe it was a past life. 441 00:34:05,544 --> 00:34:06,378 - What? 442 00:34:06,378 --> 00:34:07,796 - Relax, that was just a joke. 443 00:34:07,796 --> 00:34:10,590 - Listen, do you believe in vampires? 444 00:34:10,590 --> 00:34:13,301 - That's very funny, Ralph. 445 00:34:19,808 --> 00:34:20,600 Well. 446 00:34:23,520 --> 00:34:24,812 Well this is it. 447 00:34:28,275 --> 00:34:30,735 Thank you for walking me home. 448 00:34:34,197 --> 00:34:36,949 - Would you like to see me again? 449 00:34:36,950 --> 00:34:37,742 - YES. 450 00:34:39,035 --> 00:34:39,869 Tomorrow? 451 00:34:39,869 --> 00:34:41,078 - Qkay. - Qkay. 452 00:34:44,416 --> 00:34:45,291 Good night. 453 00:35:05,353 --> 00:35:08,064 - Where is that guy when you need him? 454 00:35:08,064 --> 00:35:09,440 - Hey Mr. Rockstar. 455 00:35:09,441 --> 00:35:10,567 - Where have you been? 456 00:35:10,567 --> 00:35:14,696 - Well you're not the only one that can start a band. 457 00:35:22,370 --> 00:35:23,496 SQ? 458 00:35:23,496 --> 00:35:25,039 - So, what? 459 00:35:25,040 --> 00:35:26,624 - So what's she like? 460 00:35:26,625 --> 00:35:27,709 - Oh. 461 00:35:27,709 --> 00:35:29,252 She's great. 462 00:35:29,252 --> 00:35:30,795 It was really worth the wait this time. 463 00:35:30,795 --> 00:35:32,379 - Groovy. 464 00:35:32,380 --> 00:35:33,214 So did you get anY? 465 00:35:33,214 --> 00:35:34,048 - Any what? 466 00:35:34,049 --> 00:35:36,259 - You know, muff, nookie, poontang. 467 00:35:36,259 --> 00:35:38,511 - You are so crass, is that all you ever think about? 468 00:35:38,511 --> 00:35:40,638 - Listen Ralph, I don't have a love life of my own 469 00:35:40,639 --> 00:35:43,016 so I wanna share in yours. 470 00:35:43,016 --> 00:35:45,768 Now, start from the beginning and be graphic. 471 00:35:45,769 --> 00:35:47,228 - Forget it. 472 00:35:47,228 --> 00:35:50,105 - You didn't score, did you? 473 00:35:56,655 --> 00:35:57,864 - Knock it off! 474 00:36:01,284 --> 00:36:02,785 She did kiss me, though. 475 00:36:02,786 --> 00:36:03,828 - Really? 476 00:36:03,828 --> 00:36:04,787 Was it? 477 00:36:04,788 --> 00:36:06,080 - Unbelievable. 478 00:36:06,081 --> 00:36:07,123 - Slip her the tongue? 479 00:36:07,123 --> 00:36:08,124 - It was on the cheek. 480 00:36:08,124 --> 00:36:09,083 - Loser! 481 00:36:09,084 --> 00:36:10,460 - You never stop. 482 00:36:12,420 --> 00:36:13,546 Bye mom, I'll see you later. 483 00:36:13,546 --> 00:36:16,382 - Well don't you look cute and where are you going? 484 00:36:16,383 --> 00:36:17,217 - Out. 485 00:36:17,217 --> 00:36:18,051 - With who? 486 00:36:18,051 --> 00:36:18,885 - Friends. 487 00:36:18,885 --> 00:36:19,927 - And when will you back? 488 00:36:19,928 --> 00:36:20,762 - Later. 489 00:36:20,762 --> 00:36:22,054 - You met her, didn't you? 490 00:36:22,055 --> 00:36:23,056 - Duh, mom. 491 00:36:23,056 --> 00:36:25,183 - Oh, honey, I'm so happy. 492 00:36:26,434 --> 00:36:27,518 - You're crushing my suit. 493 00:36:27,519 --> 00:36:29,771 - Oh, we're gonna have to have her over for dinner. 494 00:36:29,771 --> 00:36:31,522 - I'd rather not do that right now, mom. 495 00:36:31,523 --> 00:36:34,484 - Oh, you're ashamed of your mother! 496 00:36:35,443 --> 00:36:36,777 That's it, isn't it? - No, that's not. 497 00:36:36,778 --> 00:36:37,612 That's not it. 498 00:36:37,612 --> 00:36:39,155 It's that she's gonna be in of a big shock 499 00:36:39,155 --> 00:36:41,115 when I tell her and I wanna break it to her easy, 500 00:36:41,116 --> 00:36:42,158 by myself. 501 00:36:42,158 --> 00:36:44,034 I'm not ashamed of you, mom. 502 00:36:44,035 --> 00:36:45,453 I love you. 503 00:36:45,453 --> 00:36:46,537 - Oh. 504 00:36:46,538 --> 00:36:48,206 I must look a mess. 505 00:36:48,206 --> 00:36:50,416 Oh, I'm sorry, honey, of course you're right. 506 00:36:50,417 --> 00:36:52,710 But promise me you won't elope. 507 00:36:52,711 --> 00:36:55,130 Because I want a big wedding. 508 00:36:55,130 --> 00:36:55,964 - Of course. 509 00:36:55,964 --> 00:36:56,756 And you're not a mess. 510 00:36:56,756 --> 00:36:59,383 You look better than most women a 10th your age. 511 00:36:59,384 --> 00:37:00,343 - I know. 512 00:37:00,343 --> 00:37:01,552 You're a dear. 513 00:37:01,553 --> 00:37:04,722 I honestly don't know what I'd do without my boy. 514 00:37:04,723 --> 00:37:05,974 Now what are you standing there for? 515 00:37:05,974 --> 00:37:08,142 Now you go off and you have a good time. 516 00:37:08,143 --> 00:37:10,603 And you give Mona a big kiss from mommy. 517 00:37:10,603 --> 00:37:11,562 - O kaY/ bye' 518 00:37:11,563 --> 00:37:12,355 - Oh. 519 00:37:26,578 --> 00:37:28,621 - But what struck me the most were his eyes. 520 00:37:28,621 --> 00:37:30,748 I mean, they almost seemed haunted, didn't they? 521 00:37:30,749 --> 00:37:32,333 - You wanna know what happened that day? 522 00:37:32,333 --> 00:37:34,376 Egon was married to this girl, Mary or Maddie, 523 00:37:34,377 --> 00:37:35,795 I can't believe I forgot her name. 524 00:37:35,795 --> 00:37:36,670 anyway- 525 00:37:36,671 --> 00:37:38,005 He had this girl posing for him. 526 00:37:38,006 --> 00:37:40,049 She was 16, she was gorgeous, she was beautiful. 527 00:37:40,049 --> 00:37:41,467 They started shacking up. 528 00:37:41,468 --> 00:37:43,386 And the day that Mary found out, 529 00:37:43,386 --> 00:37:45,596 she walked in on them and was gonna tell Egon 530 00:37:45,597 --> 00:37:47,265 that she was pregnant. 531 00:37:47,265 --> 00:37:48,432 - Well did she leave him? 532 00:37:48,433 --> 00:37:52,353 - No, god, she was like this glutton for punishment. 533 00:37:52,353 --> 00:37:53,395 - Ralph. 534 00:37:53,396 --> 00:37:55,940 How do you know about all this? 535 00:37:55,940 --> 00:37:58,192 - I don't know, why? 536 00:37:58,193 --> 00:38:00,278 - You were talking about it as, I don't know, 537 00:38:00,278 --> 00:38:01,779 almost as if you had been there or something. 538 00:38:01,780 --> 00:38:03,656 - That was like over 100 years ago. 539 00:38:03,656 --> 00:38:06,950 I couldn't have been, I read it, in art class, that's it. 540 00:38:06,951 --> 00:38:08,410 - Oh. 541 00:38:08,411 --> 00:38:09,662 You're a good story teller Ralph. 542 00:38:09,662 --> 00:38:13,040 - Yeah, I got a couple of doozies for ya. 543 00:38:19,881 --> 00:38:21,591 - I see a girl. 544 00:38:21,591 --> 00:38:24,260 Her name is, uh, Mona? 545 00:38:24,260 --> 00:38:25,803 - Yeah, right, right, my girlfriend. 546 00:38:25,804 --> 00:38:27,597 I mean my ex-girlfriend. 547 00:38:27,597 --> 00:38:28,681 - Oh. 548 00:38:28,681 --> 00:38:30,391 I see her with another man. 549 00:38:30,391 --> 00:38:31,517 - That little twerp. 550 00:38:32,352 --> 00:38:33,728 - You should not call people names, Stanley. 551 00:38:33,728 --> 00:38:35,146 - Yeah, right, sorry. 552 00:38:35,146 --> 00:38:37,606 - She thinks she loves him, but she really 553 00:38:37,607 --> 00:38:39,358 loves you, Stanley. 554 00:38:39,359 --> 00:38:40,193 - Really? 555 00:38:40,193 --> 00:38:41,027 - YES. 556 00:38:41,027 --> 00:38:43,446 But she is under his spell. 557 00:38:43,446 --> 00:38:44,280 ' Spell? 558 00:38:44,280 --> 00:38:47,783 - Spell, Stanley, for this is no ordinary man. 559 00:38:47,784 --> 00:38:49,619 He is a vampire. 560 00:38:49,619 --> 00:38:50,453 - A vampire? 561 00:38:51,287 --> 00:38:52,288 - A vampire, Stanley. 562 00:38:52,288 --> 00:38:54,331 Yours is no ordinary destiny. 563 00:38:54,332 --> 00:38:55,249 - I knew it. 564 00:38:55,250 --> 00:38:56,709 - Don't interrupt. 565 00:38:56,709 --> 00:38:59,461 It is your destiny to save Mona. 566 00:38:59,462 --> 00:39:02,131 - Yes, but, how can I do it? 567 00:39:02,131 --> 00:39:04,341 - Stanley, your business is death, 568 00:39:04,342 --> 00:39:07,386 your life is death, your destiny is death. 569 00:39:07,387 --> 00:39:09,722 You must kill her, Stanley. 570 00:39:09,722 --> 00:39:10,723 ' Yes? 571 00:39:10,723 --> 00:39:11,765 - YES. 572 00:39:11,766 --> 00:39:14,101 And then she will be all yours. 573 00:39:14,102 --> 00:39:16,145 - I could mount and stuff her. 574 00:39:16,145 --> 00:39:18,897 - She will be your sleeping princess. 575 00:39:18,898 --> 00:39:19,732 - YES. 576 00:39:19,732 --> 00:39:21,483 Yes, I see it. 577 00:39:21,484 --> 00:39:23,569 I could freeze her, cryogenically. 578 00:39:23,570 --> 00:39:24,404 - Oh. 579 00:39:24,404 --> 00:39:25,738 I suppose it would work. 580 00:39:25,738 --> 00:39:27,406 - She'll be mine. 581 00:39:27,407 --> 00:39:29,409 All mine forever. 582 00:39:29,409 --> 00:39:30,785 When do I do it? 583 00:39:30,785 --> 00:39:33,078 - It must be down on Halloween. 584 00:39:33,079 --> 00:39:33,913 - Right. 585 00:39:33,913 --> 00:39:35,456 - But there is one catch, though. 586 00:39:35,456 --> 00:39:37,374 You must dress as a pirate. 587 00:39:37,375 --> 00:39:38,209 - A pirate? 588 00:39:38,209 --> 00:39:39,418 - A pirate. 589 00:39:39,419 --> 00:39:41,129 With a rhinestone peg leg. 590 00:39:41,129 --> 00:39:42,713 - A rhinestone peg leg? 591 00:39:43,923 --> 00:39:45,591 A rhinestone peg leg. 592 00:39:45,592 --> 00:39:48,928 - And you must dispatch her with a ham bone. 593 00:39:48,928 --> 00:39:50,262 - Ambone? 594 00:39:50,263 --> 00:39:52,640 Okay, okay, okay, a ham bone. 595 00:39:58,563 --> 00:40:01,524 - Yo, Yo, Yo, yo, Hans, what's up, what's up? 596 00:40:01,524 --> 00:40:02,942 Oh not much, you know, I've just been hangin' 597 00:40:02,942 --> 00:40:04,652 with Yolanda and Dee. 598 00:40:05,695 --> 00:40:06,487 Kick it! 599 00:42:35,928 --> 00:42:37,304 - You were great. 600 00:42:38,264 --> 00:42:39,515 - Ralphie? 601 00:42:39,515 --> 00:42:41,225 Oh, there's my boy. 602 00:42:41,225 --> 00:42:42,309 - Mom, what are you doing here? 603 00:42:42,310 --> 00:42:44,478 - Oh, Ralph, I am so proud of you. 604 00:42:44,479 --> 00:42:46,272 Your little band was fantastic. 605 00:42:46,272 --> 00:42:47,356 - Mom. 606 00:42:47,356 --> 00:42:48,690 - And you must be Mona. 607 00:42:48,691 --> 00:42:49,525 Oh. 608 00:42:49,525 --> 00:42:51,443 Look how pretty you are this time. 609 00:42:51,444 --> 00:42:52,403 - Yes, yes, she is. 610 00:42:52,403 --> 00:42:53,779 Uh, Mona, this is my mother. 611 00:42:53,780 --> 00:42:54,614 - Hi. 612 00:42:54,614 --> 00:42:55,906 It is so nice to meet you. 613 00:42:55,907 --> 00:42:56,866 - Meet me? 614 00:42:56,866 --> 00:42:58,826 No, no, dear, the pleasure's all mine. 615 00:42:58,826 --> 00:43:00,202 Oh, just me look at you. 616 00:43:00,203 --> 00:43:02,747 Oh, it's so nice to see the two of you together again. 617 00:43:02,747 --> 00:43:03,664 - Excuse me? 618 00:43:03,664 --> 00:43:04,790 - Uh yeah, well we have to be going. 619 00:43:04,791 --> 00:43:05,625 - Oh well I won't keep you, 620 00:43:05,625 --> 00:43:07,168 but we must have Mona over for dinner. 621 00:43:07,168 --> 00:43:08,002 - Mom. 622 00:43:08,002 --> 00:43:09,003 - I would love to. 623 00:43:09,003 --> 00:43:09,837 - Mona. 624 00:43:09,837 --> 00:43:10,671 - Thursday night? 625 00:43:10,671 --> 00:43:12,839 - Can't Thursday night, Mona's video is premiering. 626 00:43:12,840 --> 00:43:14,466 - Well we could go after. 627 00:43:14,467 --> 00:43:15,301 - After? 628 00:43:15,301 --> 00:43:16,385 - Thursday night it is then. 629 00:43:16,385 --> 00:43:17,469 - I can't believe this. 630 00:43:17,470 --> 00:43:18,304 - Well I have to run now. 631 00:43:18,304 --> 00:43:20,264 I have a meeting with my ladies' social. 632 00:43:20,264 --> 00:43:21,890 It's pistol range night and I'm really getting 633 00:43:21,891 --> 00:43:23,642 much better at this. 634 00:43:23,643 --> 00:43:26,312 Practice, practice, practice. 635 00:43:28,648 --> 00:43:31,692 - Doesn't anybody go bowling anymore? 636 00:44:05,226 --> 00:44:06,018 Oh! 637 00:44:07,103 --> 00:44:09,313 It's raining cats and dogs! 638 00:44:10,189 --> 00:44:14,318 I just stepped in a poodle! 639 00:44:32,753 --> 00:44:35,797 - I feel like I've known you forever. 640 00:44:59,572 --> 00:45:01,949 I think the rain is stopping. 641 00:49:12,992 --> 00:49:14,451 Wow. 642 00:49:14,452 --> 00:49:15,578 What was that? 643 00:49:24,712 --> 00:49:28,674 - I don't know, but it was definitely beautiful. 644 00:50:00,372 --> 00:50:01,581 - That was Mona and the premiere 645 00:50:01,582 --> 00:50:04,585 of By My Side here on Slack TV. 646 00:50:04,585 --> 00:50:05,877 Coming up... - You were wonderful. 647 00:50:05,878 --> 00:50:06,837 - Thank you honey. 648 00:50:06,837 --> 00:50:08,046 - Both of you. 649 00:50:08,047 --> 00:50:09,673 - Well the kids were Mona's idea. 650 00:50:09,673 --> 00:50:12,008 - Don't be so modest, Ralph. 651 00:50:12,009 --> 00:50:14,511 - Listen, Mona, about dinner with my mother tonight. 652 00:50:14,512 --> 00:50:15,971 I don't think it's a very good idea. 653 00:50:15,971 --> 00:50:16,805 - Why not? 654 00:50:16,805 --> 00:50:17,639 - In fact, I think it's time I start my own record label, 655 00:50:17,640 --> 00:50:20,559 you know, Morgue Music or maybe Death Records. 656 00:50:20,559 --> 00:50:24,604 Or just RIP, it's sort of catchy, don't you think? 657 00:50:24,605 --> 00:50:26,398 Mona, just terrific. 658 00:50:26,398 --> 00:50:28,525 Congratulations, the both of you. 659 00:50:28,526 --> 00:50:29,360 - Thank you. 660 00:50:29,360 --> 00:50:32,780 Um, Stanley, why are you wearing garlic around your neck? 661 00:50:32,780 --> 00:50:33,614 - Oh. 662 00:50:33,614 --> 00:50:37,200 This is in honor of Ralph here, I should I say Rockula? 663 00:50:37,201 --> 00:50:39,953 It's pretty pungent, wouldn't you say, Ralphie? 664 00:50:39,954 --> 00:50:41,789 - Smells great, I love garlic. 665 00:50:41,789 --> 00:50:44,333 - Yes, you might say I have a stake in what 666 00:50:44,333 --> 00:50:45,167 happens to you. 667 00:50:45,167 --> 00:50:46,960 I mean, I think Rockula's gonna take off 668 00:50:46,961 --> 00:50:48,712 like a bat out of hell. 669 00:50:48,712 --> 00:50:50,463 The world is full of bloodsuckers 670 00:50:50,464 --> 00:50:53,258 and I would hate for anything to happen to you. 671 00:50:53,259 --> 00:50:57,012 Have you ever seen one of these before? 672 00:50:57,012 --> 00:50:57,804 - YES. 673 00:51:01,141 --> 00:51:03,143 18th Century, right? 674 00:51:03,143 --> 00:51:04,519 - 19th, actually. 675 00:51:05,396 --> 00:51:07,398 - Excuse me, I'm gonna use your bathroom. 676 00:51:07,398 --> 00:51:08,357 - Okay sure. 677 00:51:10,651 --> 00:51:15,151 - There's things about this guy that you don't understand. 678 00:51:15,573 --> 00:51:19,785 - Stanley, I think that you are under a lot of stress. 679 00:51:19,785 --> 00:51:21,703 - He knows, the jig's up. 680 00:51:21,704 --> 00:51:22,538 - Who knows? 681 00:51:22,538 --> 00:51:23,372 What jig? 682 00:51:23,372 --> 00:51:25,290 - Stanley, somehow he knows that I'm a... 683 00:51:25,291 --> 00:51:26,458 - You're a vampire? 684 00:51:26,458 --> 00:51:27,292 - YES. 685 00:51:27,293 --> 00:51:28,127 - So why don't you get rid of him 686 00:51:28,127 --> 00:51:29,294 in the time honored tradition? 687 00:51:29,295 --> 00:51:30,170 - What the hell is that? 688 00:51:30,170 --> 00:51:31,129 - Bite him, man. 689 00:51:31,130 --> 00:51:33,966 Bite him, and watch him die a slow, agonizing death. 690 00:51:33,966 --> 00:51:35,634 Come on, it's the way vampires always get rid 691 00:51:35,634 --> 00:51:37,844 of those Van Helsing types. 692 00:51:37,845 --> 00:51:38,679 - That's in the movies. 693 00:51:38,679 --> 00:51:40,722 Besides, you remember vampires always lose. 694 00:51:40,723 --> 00:51:42,808 - Yeah, but they always look so cool stalking the halls. 695 00:51:42,808 --> 00:51:44,184 I just love that. 696 00:51:45,811 --> 00:51:48,063 - If Stanley knows, what's stopping him from telling Mona? 697 00:51:48,063 --> 00:51:50,065 - So he tells her, you tell her, what's the difference? 698 00:51:50,065 --> 00:51:50,899 What's the matter? 699 00:51:50,899 --> 00:51:51,733 Ashamed of who you are? 700 00:51:51,734 --> 00:51:52,568 - YES. 701 00:51:52,568 --> 00:51:54,987 No, no, I mean, I don't know, it's not that easy. 702 00:51:54,987 --> 00:51:56,279 - Ralph? 703 00:51:56,280 --> 00:51:58,031 - Pressure's on, pressure's on, what you gonna do? 704 00:51:58,032 --> 00:51:59,408 Don't choke, don't choke, don't choke. 705 00:51:59,408 --> 00:52:01,284 - Shut up and let me think. 706 00:52:01,285 --> 00:52:02,494 - Ralph? 707 00:52:03,787 --> 00:52:04,954 - I'm gonna tell her. 708 00:52:04,955 --> 00:52:06,748 - Everything? Even the you-know-what? 709 00:52:06,749 --> 00:52:07,958 - Everything. 710 00:52:07,958 --> 00:52:09,918 - Bad idea, man, bad idea. 711 00:52:09,918 --> 00:52:10,710 - Shh. 712 00:52:13,797 --> 00:52:15,632 - Uh, Ralph. 713 00:52:15,633 --> 00:52:17,009 Who are you talking to? 714 00:52:17,009 --> 00:52:18,760 - Uh no one, myself. 715 00:52:18,761 --> 00:52:20,596 Well, sort of, I'll explain later. 716 00:52:20,596 --> 00:52:23,557 Mona, we're having dinner at my mother's. 717 00:52:23,557 --> 00:52:25,600 - That's what I like about you Ralph. 718 00:52:25,601 --> 00:52:29,479 You're so decisive. 719 00:52:31,398 --> 00:52:32,357 - Attention. 720 00:52:33,525 --> 00:52:36,903 Could I have your attention please? 721 00:52:36,904 --> 00:52:37,696 Qy! 722 00:52:38,906 --> 00:52:41,783 I have a little premiere of my own. 723 00:52:46,497 --> 00:52:49,082 Mmm, that mantra felt good. 724 00:52:49,083 --> 00:52:53,087 Hi, I'm Stanley, your guide into the other world. 725 00:52:54,004 --> 00:52:57,465 Here at Stanley's Deathpark, we believe in a holistic, 726 00:52:57,466 --> 00:53:00,594 stress-free approach to the passing on process. 727 00:53:00,594 --> 00:53:05,094 Just take a look at our new line in designer headstones. 728 00:53:05,349 --> 00:53:08,393 Secretary forget to remind you to bring flowers? 729 00:53:08,394 --> 00:53:12,106 The XK2000 is perfect for those with a busy lifestyle. 730 00:53:12,106 --> 00:53:16,193 Just 50 cents brings an all natural, floral surprise. 731 00:53:20,948 --> 00:53:23,533 Mmm, just smell those chlamydias. 732 00:53:23,534 --> 00:53:26,411 And we'll quite happily donate 10 cents of the proceeds 733 00:53:26,412 --> 00:53:28,872 to the charity of your choice. 734 00:53:30,332 --> 00:53:32,542 Miss that nagging loved one? 735 00:53:32,543 --> 00:53:34,711 No longer with the Recorder 6000, 736 00:53:34,712 --> 00:53:38,090 you just close your eyes and listen. 737 00:53:38,090 --> 00:53:40,175 - Harold, have you been drinking again? 738 00:53:40,175 --> 00:53:42,594 Was it you who left the toilet seat up? 739 00:53:42,594 --> 00:53:44,345 My mother was right. 740 00:53:44,346 --> 00:53:47,557 - Better than a wool hair coat and a crown of thorns. 741 00:53:47,558 --> 00:53:48,767 Realistic? 742 00:53:48,767 --> 00:53:50,894 Don't take my word for it. 743 00:53:52,354 --> 00:53:55,774 - It's been three years since my lovely Clorice left me. 744 00:53:55,774 --> 00:53:58,943 But with Recorder 6000, I have yet to miss 745 00:53:58,944 --> 00:54:00,820 her deprecating banter. 746 00:54:02,865 --> 00:54:04,575 - Thank you Elmo, that was lovely. 747 00:54:04,575 --> 00:54:06,702 Now, here's something new. 748 00:54:08,954 --> 00:54:12,165 Relatives disapprove of your lifestyle? 749 00:54:12,166 --> 00:54:15,502 Invest in the Rotary 600, the device that keeps those loved 750 00:54:15,502 --> 00:54:18,171 ones turning over in their grave. 751 00:54:24,428 --> 00:54:25,971 Isn't that amazing? 752 00:54:27,514 --> 00:54:30,266 And over here we have the very latest in 753 00:54:30,267 --> 00:54:32,227 cryogenic technology. 754 00:54:32,227 --> 00:54:35,480 It may well be the answer to everlasting life, 755 00:54:35,481 --> 00:54:38,150 and, while you're waiting to be reborn, 756 00:54:38,150 --> 00:54:40,110 why not listen to your choice of subliminal 757 00:54:40,110 --> 00:54:41,611 self help tapes. 758 00:54:41,612 --> 00:54:43,030 We have an incredible selection. 759 00:54:43,030 --> 00:54:46,408 Everything from meditation to the fundamentals of golf. 760 00:54:46,408 --> 00:54:48,410 Learn a foreign language while you're waiting 761 00:54:48,410 --> 00:54:50,912 to be awoken from your everlasting sleep. 762 00:54:50,913 --> 00:54:52,247 Did you die a smoker? 763 00:54:52,247 --> 00:54:54,374 Quit while you're dead. 764 00:54:54,374 --> 00:54:56,793 Improve your karma, knock off several lifetimes 765 00:54:56,794 --> 00:54:58,921 and awake a better person. 766 00:55:00,214 --> 00:55:00,964 - Get out. 767 00:55:01,173 --> 00:55:02,924 - That was the best bit. 768 00:55:02,925 --> 00:55:06,511 - Stanley, I have been working my entire life for tonight, 769 00:55:06,512 --> 00:55:08,013 and you come and make a joke out of it? 770 00:55:08,013 --> 00:55:08,805 - Mona. 771 00:55:12,184 --> 00:55:13,185 You. 772 00:55:13,185 --> 00:55:15,478 You did it to me, you fiend. 773 00:55:30,244 --> 00:55:31,370 - You alright? 774 00:55:31,370 --> 00:55:32,954 - Yes I'm fine, really. 775 00:55:32,955 --> 00:55:35,165 - Stanley is in love with you. 776 00:55:35,165 --> 00:55:36,666 - I know. 777 00:55:39,294 --> 00:55:41,170 It wasn't just Stanley. 778 00:55:42,089 --> 00:55:46,426 Ralph, I was watching the video and suddenly I thought, 779 00:55:46,426 --> 00:55:50,847 "Is this what I have been working for my entire life? 780 00:55:50,848 --> 00:55:53,350 "Three minutes, that's it? 781 00:55:53,350 --> 00:55:55,060 "Just three minutes?" 782 00:55:56,270 --> 00:55:58,730 It just seemed so unimportant. 783 00:56:01,149 --> 00:56:02,150 So temporary. 784 00:56:03,360 --> 00:56:04,152 Ralph. 785 00:56:05,320 --> 00:56:06,154 You-- 786 00:56:06,154 --> 00:56:08,364 - Before you say what I think you're gonna say, 787 00:56:08,365 --> 00:56:10,617 there's something you've gotta know. 788 00:56:10,617 --> 00:56:11,492 - Hi kids. 789 00:56:11,493 --> 00:56:12,702 - Mom, we were talking. 790 00:56:12,703 --> 00:56:13,620 - The legacy? 791 00:56:13,620 --> 00:56:14,746 - Mom. 792 00:56:14,746 --> 00:56:16,497 - The legacy? 793 00:56:19,293 --> 00:56:23,338 - It's nothing, it's, nevermind, it's not important. 794 00:56:23,338 --> 00:56:25,548 What's for dinner? 795 00:56:25,549 --> 00:56:26,633 - Hello dear. 796 00:56:26,633 --> 00:56:28,926 - Mrs. Levee, this is a beautiful home you have. 797 00:56:28,927 --> 00:56:31,971 - Oh thank you dear, but please call me Phoebe. 798 00:56:31,972 --> 00:56:33,682 Of course, this is nothing like the 799 00:56:33,682 --> 00:56:35,433 palatial chateau that we had when we were 800 00:56:35,434 --> 00:56:37,352 in the south of France, is it Ralph? 801 00:56:37,352 --> 00:56:38,770 - I didn't know you lived in France? 802 00:56:38,770 --> 00:56:39,604 - You didn't? 803 00:56:39,605 --> 00:56:40,439 Of course you did. 804 00:56:40,439 --> 00:56:41,273 When was that Ralphie? 805 00:56:41,273 --> 00:56:43,024 The 16th or the 17th century? 806 00:56:43,025 --> 00:56:44,192 I don't remember. 807 00:56:44,192 --> 00:56:47,111 Oh, my pet Napoleon, mm, could he throw a party. 808 00:56:47,112 --> 00:56:48,613 I was his favorite, you know. 809 00:56:48,614 --> 00:56:49,448 - Mom. 810 00:56:49,448 --> 00:56:52,576 - And Mona, your father, the king, was he, 811 00:56:52,576 --> 00:56:55,328 the most handsome man and you were the cutest little thing. 812 00:56:55,329 --> 00:56:56,163 - MOI“! 813 00:56:56,163 --> 00:56:56,997 What's for dinner? 814 00:56:56,997 --> 00:56:58,081 - Meat and potatoes. 815 00:56:58,081 --> 00:56:59,248 Who's askin'? 816 00:56:59,249 --> 00:57:00,541 - Oh, Boom Boom. 817 00:57:01,501 --> 00:57:02,293 Boom, oh! 818 00:57:05,172 --> 00:57:06,548 O00, my son. 819 00:57:06,548 --> 00:57:10,635 Ralphie, this is my son Ralphie and his fiancee Mona. 820 00:57:10,636 --> 00:57:11,970 Oh. 821 00:57:11,970 --> 00:57:13,262 - His fiancee? 822 00:57:13,263 --> 00:57:15,348 - The Boom Boom Williams? 823 00:57:15,349 --> 00:57:16,975 The Terror of Tennessee? 824 00:57:16,975 --> 00:57:18,851 - You got it, little fella. 825 00:57:18,852 --> 00:57:20,270 And if you eat all your vegetables, you'll grow up 826 00:57:20,270 --> 00:57:23,064 to be big and strong just like me. 827 00:57:24,942 --> 00:57:27,277 - I think we're a little late for that. 828 00:57:27,277 --> 00:57:29,112 I don't know, about 300 years too late. 829 00:57:29,112 --> 00:57:30,196 - What did you say? - Nothing. 830 00:57:30,197 --> 00:57:31,740 - Dinner is served. 831 00:57:34,117 --> 00:57:36,661 And as for the father of our country, 832 00:57:36,662 --> 00:57:38,997 well let me tell you, he may have been hell 833 00:57:38,997 --> 00:57:41,666 on the battlefield, but in bed he was as wooden 834 00:57:41,667 --> 00:57:44,878 as his teeth. 835 00:57:44,878 --> 00:57:47,547 Those were tough and lonely times for a woman. 836 00:57:47,547 --> 00:57:49,590 Every day I get down on my hands and knees 837 00:57:49,591 --> 00:57:53,052 and I thank my lucky stars that I had my boy. 838 00:57:53,053 --> 00:57:53,928 My Ralphie. 839 00:57:54,846 --> 00:57:56,097 Ralphie. 840 00:57:56,098 --> 00:57:58,100 - Baby, where would you like your coffee served? 841 00:57:58,100 --> 00:58:00,685 In here, or in the living room? 842 00:58:00,686 --> 00:58:02,479 - In the living room, don't you think? 843 00:58:02,479 --> 00:58:05,273 - Oh, whatever you say love cakes. 844 00:58:17,869 --> 00:58:21,414 Introducing the fabulous, the incomparable, 845 00:58:22,624 --> 00:58:24,334 and the sexy, 846 00:58:24,334 --> 00:58:25,710 Miss 847 00:58:25,711 --> 00:58:26,503 Phoebe. 848 01:02:00,967 --> 01:02:03,177 - My mom's kind of strange. 849 01:02:04,471 --> 01:02:06,264 If you hadn't noticed. 850 01:02:07,390 --> 01:02:11,018 - This whole night has been kind of strange. 851 01:02:13,855 --> 01:02:15,314 - Mona, pull over. 852 01:02:25,408 --> 01:02:26,200 Oh great. 853 01:02:29,454 --> 01:02:30,496 Mona? 854 01:02:30,497 --> 01:02:32,540 Would you give up everything for me? 855 01:02:32,540 --> 01:02:35,376 Your career, your friends, everything? 856 01:02:35,377 --> 01:02:39,047 - Ralph, don't you think that's a little bit radical? 857 01:02:39,047 --> 01:02:40,965 I mean, maybe we should date for a while first, 858 01:02:40,966 --> 01:02:41,841 don't you think? 859 01:02:41,841 --> 01:02:45,427 - I've given you a choice and it has to be your choice. 860 01:02:45,428 --> 01:02:47,763 - What are you talking about? 861 01:02:47,764 --> 01:02:49,974 Ralph, where are you going? 862 01:02:51,434 --> 01:02:52,601 Ralph, where are you going? 863 01:02:52,602 --> 01:02:54,937 - Just follow me. 864 01:02:54,938 --> 01:02:57,649 - Ralph, what is with you? 865 01:02:57,649 --> 01:02:59,442 - Okay, you see these people? 866 01:02:59,442 --> 01:03:01,652 They're dead, I'm not. 867 01:03:01,653 --> 01:03:03,071 - I can see that, Ralph. 868 01:03:03,071 --> 01:03:04,947 - But, I'm older. 869 01:03:04,948 --> 01:03:05,782 - What? 870 01:03:05,782 --> 01:03:07,658 - Mona, I'm a vampire. 871 01:03:07,659 --> 01:03:09,118 - And I'm the Bride of Frankenstein. 872 01:03:09,119 --> 01:03:10,703 - No seriously, Mona, it's the truth. 873 01:03:10,704 --> 01:03:12,205 I'm not a bad vampire. 874 01:03:12,205 --> 01:03:15,333 I am a bad vampire, I'm not very good at it. 875 01:03:15,333 --> 01:03:17,960 I don't bite people but I am a vampire. 876 01:03:17,961 --> 01:03:20,505 - Ralph, this is a very common thing. 877 01:03:20,505 --> 01:03:21,339 - It is? 878 01:03:21,339 --> 01:03:22,214 - Yes, sure it is. 879 01:03:22,215 --> 01:03:25,009 People begin to believe their stage personas all the time. 880 01:03:25,010 --> 01:03:27,387 - No, no, no, no, I don't think I'm a vampire, 881 01:03:27,387 --> 01:03:29,931 I really am a vampire. 882 01:03:29,931 --> 01:03:31,182 - Prove it. 883 01:03:31,182 --> 01:03:32,016 - Look. 884 01:03:32,017 --> 01:03:33,184 Fangs, see? 885 01:03:33,184 --> 01:03:35,352 - Well it's probably something that just runs 886 01:03:35,353 --> 01:03:37,104 in the family, Ralph. 887 01:03:37,105 --> 01:03:39,774 Besides, I knew a girl in the eighth grade, 888 01:03:39,774 --> 01:03:41,150 she had bigger teeth than that. 889 01:03:41,151 --> 01:03:43,653 She wasn't a vampire, Ralph. 890 01:03:43,653 --> 01:03:46,280 You really should have those filed down though. 891 01:03:46,281 --> 01:03:48,283 - Okay, all that stuff my mom was talking about 892 01:03:48,283 --> 01:03:51,035 back at the house, it's all true. 893 01:03:51,036 --> 01:03:53,455 Mona, you are 422 years old. 894 01:03:53,455 --> 01:03:55,457 This is your 19th lifetime. 895 01:03:55,457 --> 01:03:58,418 You always die on Halloween night of your 22nd year. 896 01:03:58,418 --> 01:03:59,585 ' Ralph! 897 01:03:59,586 --> 01:04:01,379 - Mona, we were lovers 400 years ago 898 01:04:01,379 --> 01:04:03,089 and every 22 years since then, 899 01:04:03,089 --> 01:04:04,924 and it always ends the same way. 900 01:04:04,924 --> 01:04:06,425 - And how is that? 901 01:04:06,426 --> 01:04:08,845 - You're killed by a pirate with a peg leg 902 01:04:08,845 --> 01:04:11,055 wielding a gigantic ham bone. 903 01:04:11,056 --> 01:04:12,348 - And then I'm reborn? 904 01:04:12,349 --> 01:04:14,517 - Over and over. 905 01:04:14,517 --> 01:04:18,687 - I think maybe you just need some therapy, Ralph. 906 01:04:18,688 --> 01:04:20,231 - Okay, you remember this? 907 01:04:20,231 --> 01:04:21,774 You said you did back at the house. 908 01:04:21,775 --> 01:04:22,859 - I do. 909 01:04:22,859 --> 01:04:24,694 I remember that from somewhere. 910 01:04:24,694 --> 01:04:26,070 - 1786. 911 01:04:26,071 --> 01:04:26,988 - What? 912 01:04:26,988 --> 01:04:28,364 - You owned it in 1786. 913 01:04:28,365 --> 01:04:29,699 You wanna see what you looked like? 914 01:04:29,699 --> 01:04:31,117 - I'm not sure. 915 01:04:34,788 --> 01:04:37,290 - And here's you in 1918. 916 01:04:40,919 --> 01:04:42,670 - Now wait a minute. 917 01:04:42,670 --> 01:04:44,380 So that means that, 918 01:04:44,381 --> 01:04:46,007 that you're-- - Yes. 919 01:04:46,007 --> 01:04:47,591 - And that I'm-- - Yep. 920 01:04:47,592 --> 01:04:50,136 - And that we're-- - You got it. 921 01:04:51,262 --> 01:04:52,429 - Nah. 922 01:04:52,430 --> 01:04:54,807 - Okay, okay, fine, fine. 923 01:04:54,808 --> 01:04:57,310 Okay, I didn't wanna do this but you leave me no choice. 924 01:04:57,310 --> 01:04:59,353 Now watch close, I haven't done this in years 925 01:04:59,354 --> 01:05:02,982 and I'm not very good at it so bear with me. 926 01:05:09,364 --> 01:05:11,032 Hi. 927 01:05:11,032 --> 01:05:12,199 Mona. 928 01:05:12,200 --> 01:05:13,326 Mona, it's me. 929 01:05:20,625 --> 01:05:21,584 Mona. 930 01:05:21,584 --> 01:05:22,418 Mona. 931 01:05:22,419 --> 01:05:24,003 - Stay away from me. 932 01:05:24,003 --> 01:05:25,921 - It's okay, you react like this every time. 933 01:05:25,922 --> 01:05:27,089 Everything's okay, it's okay. 934 01:05:27,090 --> 01:05:28,299 - No, no it isn't. 935 01:05:28,299 --> 01:05:30,217 This is my fault. 936 01:05:30,218 --> 01:05:31,719 I thought I could handle this, I thought I was 937 01:05:31,719 --> 01:05:34,096 more open-minded, but this. 938 01:05:34,097 --> 01:05:35,556 This is just too much. 939 01:05:35,557 --> 01:05:37,392 - No, no Mona it's okay, all you have to do is make 940 01:05:37,392 --> 01:05:38,768 it to All Saints Day. 941 01:05:38,768 --> 01:05:39,977 - Stay away from me. 942 01:05:39,978 --> 01:05:41,312 - Mona, you have no choice. 943 01:05:41,312 --> 01:05:42,479 I love you, you love me. 944 01:05:42,480 --> 01:05:44,482 If you don't listen to me you're gonna die, 945 01:05:44,482 --> 01:05:45,816 and we're gonna have to do this all over again 946 01:05:45,817 --> 01:05:47,401 in 22 years. 947 01:05:47,402 --> 01:05:49,445 - I don't love you Ralph! 948 01:05:50,363 --> 01:05:51,322 I don't! 949 01:05:51,322 --> 01:05:52,114 - Mona! 950 01:05:54,367 --> 01:05:55,159 Mona! 951 01:09:12,023 --> 01:09:12,815 ' No! 952 01:09:13,775 --> 01:09:14,567 Ralph! 953 01:09:16,069 --> 01:09:16,861 Ralph! 954 01:09:46,057 --> 01:09:47,933 - Your move, numb nuts. 955 01:09:50,853 --> 01:09:51,645 Ralph. 956 01:09:53,064 --> 01:09:54,023 " Huh? 957 01:09:54,023 --> 01:09:54,940 - Your move. 958 01:09:59,237 --> 01:10:00,488 - I'm sorry. 959 01:10:00,488 --> 01:10:02,531 I just can't concentrate. 960 01:10:05,201 --> 01:10:08,120 - Thinkin' about tonight? 961 01:10:08,121 --> 01:10:09,664 Where you goin'? 962 01:10:09,664 --> 01:10:10,456 - Out. 963 01:10:11,499 --> 01:10:14,251 - Well don't forget your retainer. 964 01:10:15,336 --> 01:10:18,213 - I don't need that anymore. 965 01:10:25,972 --> 01:10:28,933 - Well, are you quite sure? 966 01:10:28,933 --> 01:10:31,644 No, I already have the costume, what I want 967 01:10:31,644 --> 01:10:34,438 is a rhinestone peg leg. 968 01:10:34,439 --> 01:10:37,608 Yes, I know it's Halloween, goddammit. 969 01:10:37,608 --> 01:10:38,609 Ugh! 970 01:10:38,609 --> 01:10:40,736 What am I gonna do? 971 01:10:47,618 --> 01:10:48,619 Hello? 972 01:10:48,619 --> 01:10:49,870 Madam Ben Wa? 973 01:10:49,871 --> 01:10:52,415 Hi, it's Stanley, the ham bone? 974 01:10:55,084 --> 01:10:58,170 I'm working on it, but listen. 975 01:10:58,171 --> 01:11:01,465 I have another little problem. 976 01:11:12,268 --> 01:11:13,894 - Unbelievable. 977 01:11:13,895 --> 01:11:16,314 - Another van will be along in 10 minutes. 978 01:11:16,314 --> 01:11:17,106 Sorry. 979 01:11:19,734 --> 01:11:22,236 - What am I gonna do? 980 01:11:38,795 --> 01:11:39,837 - Thanks. 981 01:11:39,837 --> 01:11:42,047 Just one of those days, you know? 982 01:11:42,048 --> 01:11:44,425 - Try one of those lifetimes. 983 01:12:16,707 --> 01:12:18,667 - I'm really worried. 984 01:12:18,668 --> 01:12:20,419 I haven't seen her for days. 985 01:12:20,419 --> 01:12:22,879 - And Ralph, I haven't seen him either. 986 01:12:22,880 --> 01:12:24,089 - Neither have I. 987 01:12:24,090 --> 01:12:24,965 - I'm back! 988 01:12:39,522 --> 01:12:42,566 - Madam Ben Wa, is that you? 989 01:12:42,567 --> 01:12:44,193 Hello Madam Ben Wa. 990 01:12:44,193 --> 01:12:46,945 I've got everything ready, the liquid nitrogen, everything. 991 01:12:46,946 --> 01:12:48,614 All I need is-- 992 01:12:48,614 --> 01:12:49,823 Wow. 993 01:12:49,824 --> 01:12:51,200 Real rhinestones. 994 01:12:52,618 --> 01:12:54,703 Do you think she's gonna be here, Madam Ben Wa? 995 01:12:55,955 --> 01:12:57,915 - Are you doubting Madam Ben Wa? 996 01:12:57,915 --> 01:12:59,124 - Oh no, no, no, n0, “O- 997 01:12:59,125 --> 01:13:02,253 - Do I sense that you are wavering from your destiny? 998 01:13:02,253 --> 01:13:03,671 - No, Madam Ben Wa. 999 01:13:03,671 --> 01:13:06,090 - Do you love Mona more than life itself? 1000 01:13:06,090 --> 01:13:07,216 - YES. 1001 01:13:07,216 --> 01:13:08,842 - Then you will save her from the vampire. 1002 01:13:08,843 --> 01:13:11,595 - Yes, Madam Ben Wa, yes, yes! 1003 01:13:11,596 --> 01:13:13,347 - You remember. 1004 01:13:13,347 --> 01:13:14,639 Before midnight! 1005 01:13:15,766 --> 01:13:17,517 - Suppose she doesn't come on time. 1006 01:13:17,518 --> 01:13:18,435 - So you'll go on. 1007 01:13:19,604 --> 01:13:21,314 - I can't do that. 1008 01:13:21,314 --> 01:13:23,607 - Sure you can, you know that song. 1009 01:13:23,608 --> 01:13:25,610 I've heard you sing it. 1010 01:13:25,610 --> 01:13:27,236 Ham. 1011 01:13:27,236 --> 01:13:28,820 Who brought the sandwiches? 1012 01:13:28,821 --> 01:13:30,072 - I did. 1013 01:13:30,072 --> 01:13:31,239 What's the matter? 1014 01:13:31,240 --> 01:13:33,700 Too cooked for you, Mr. Vampire? 1015 01:13:33,701 --> 01:13:35,744 - What's your costume, Stanley? 1016 01:13:35,745 --> 01:13:37,455 - It's a secret. 1017 01:13:37,455 --> 01:13:39,665 - It wouldn't happen to be a pirate, would it? 1018 01:13:39,665 --> 01:13:41,083 - What if it is? 1019 01:13:41,083 --> 01:13:43,293 - Lana, 10 minutes. 1020 01:13:44,337 --> 01:13:47,340 - Don't forget your peg leg, Stanley. 1021 01:14:49,652 --> 01:14:51,695 - God dammit! 1022 01:14:51,696 --> 01:14:52,530 - Did you find her? 1023 01:14:52,530 --> 01:14:53,572 - No sign of her yet. 1024 01:14:53,572 --> 01:14:54,656 - Stanley's disappeared. 1025 01:14:54,657 --> 01:14:56,367 He was here one minute and gone the next. 1026 01:14:56,367 --> 01:14:57,201 - Okay, let's go- 1027 01:14:57,201 --> 01:14:59,995 Raphael, you and Chuck stage left, Axman stage right. 1028 01:14:59,996 --> 01:15:02,331 Be on the look out for anyone in a pirate costume. 1029 01:15:02,331 --> 01:15:03,540 - What about Stanley? 1030 01:15:03,541 --> 01:15:05,292 - Leave Stanley to me. 1031 01:15:05,292 --> 01:15:07,544 - Club Hell presents Mona! 1032 01:15:07,545 --> 01:15:09,630 - It's up to you. 1033 01:15:09,630 --> 01:15:10,756 You can do it. 1034 01:15:18,514 --> 01:15:20,974 - I'm waiting for you my love. 1035 01:15:22,768 --> 01:15:25,228 I hope Madam Ben Wa was right. 1036 01:16:52,399 --> 01:16:54,943 - Mom, what are you doing here? 1037 01:16:57,488 --> 01:16:58,280 Mum! 1038 01:17:00,407 --> 01:17:01,199 Excuse me. 1039 01:17:02,243 --> 01:17:03,285 Mom, what are you doing here? 1040 01:17:03,285 --> 01:17:04,119 Are you okay? 1041 01:17:04,120 --> 01:17:06,956 - I just wanted to see your little rock band play. 1042 01:17:06,956 --> 01:17:10,000 Is that too much for a mother to ask? 1043 01:17:17,508 --> 01:17:18,300 - Mona! 1044 01:17:20,094 --> 01:17:20,886 Mona! 1045 01:17:24,223 --> 01:17:25,015 - Ralph. 1046 01:17:29,478 --> 01:17:32,272 - Put me down, what are you doing? 1047 01:17:32,273 --> 01:17:33,065 Stanley! 1048 01:17:39,655 --> 01:17:40,447 - Mona! 1049 01:17:44,368 --> 01:17:45,202 - Sorry, man, we lost-- 1050 01:17:45,202 --> 01:17:47,037 - It's not important, we gotta find Mona. 1051 01:17:47,037 --> 01:17:48,705 We gotta split up, what time is it? 1052 01:17:48,706 --> 01:17:49,707 - Five to 12. 1053 01:17:49,707 --> 01:17:51,834 - I hope it's not too late. 1054 01:17:51,834 --> 01:17:53,710 - Come on then. 1055 01:17:57,840 --> 01:17:59,341 - Stanley. 1056 01:17:59,341 --> 01:18:00,717 What is going on? 1057 01:18:01,594 --> 01:18:02,928 - Destiny. 1058 01:18:02,928 --> 01:18:04,095 - Ouch! 1059 01:18:04,096 --> 01:18:05,222 Are you crazy? 1060 01:18:10,311 --> 01:18:13,230 Stanley, is that a ham bone? 1061 01:18:13,230 --> 01:18:15,690 - Well it ain't chopped liver. 1062 01:18:17,943 --> 01:18:18,818 - Ham bone. 1063 01:18:20,362 --> 01:18:21,738 Pirate. 1064 01:18:21,739 --> 01:18:22,823 Halloween. 1065 01:18:22,823 --> 01:18:23,615 Ralph! 1066 01:18:25,034 --> 01:18:25,868 - Damn. 1067 01:18:25,868 --> 01:18:26,869 - Hey, Ralph, what's the good word? 1068 01:18:26,869 --> 01:18:28,120 You save her yet? 1069 01:18:28,120 --> 01:18:29,871 - Stanley's got her and they've disappeared. 1070 01:18:29,872 --> 01:18:30,873 ' typical. 1071 01:18:30,873 --> 01:18:32,207 - What's typical? 1072 01:18:32,208 --> 01:18:33,751 - That the damsel's in distress and you're caught 1073 01:18:33,751 --> 01:18:35,419 sleeping at the gate behind the eight ball 1074 01:18:35,419 --> 01:18:37,170 a day late and a dime short. 1075 01:18:37,171 --> 01:18:38,797 - Sometimes I really hate you. 1076 01:18:38,797 --> 01:18:41,633 - Oh, thanks a lot and I'm just gonna tell you where she is. 1077 01:18:41,634 --> 01:18:42,885 - Where, where, where is she? 1078 01:18:42,885 --> 01:18:44,928 - But now I'm not going to. 1079 01:18:44,929 --> 01:18:46,221 - Tell me, where is she? 1080 01:18:46,222 --> 01:18:48,224 - Not until you apologize. 1081 01:18:51,018 --> 01:18:52,144 - I apologize! 1082 01:18:53,479 --> 01:18:57,107 - Who's your best friend in the whole world? 1083 01:18:58,067 --> 01:18:59,735 I'm sorry, what, what, what, what, what? 1084 01:18:59,735 --> 01:19:00,569 I can't hear you. 1085 01:19:00,569 --> 01:19:01,403 - You are! 1086 01:19:01,403 --> 01:19:03,321 Tell me where she is! 1087 01:19:03,322 --> 01:19:04,698 - You go out that door, you make a left, 1088 01:19:04,698 --> 01:19:06,658 there's a access stairs. 1089 01:19:11,622 --> 01:19:12,414 Hm. 1090 01:19:13,415 --> 01:19:15,458 It's gonna be close. 1091 01:19:19,255 --> 01:19:20,839 - Why, Stanley, why? 1092 01:19:20,839 --> 01:19:21,881 - Because I love you, Mona. 1093 01:19:21,882 --> 01:19:23,967 We belong together. 1094 01:19:23,968 --> 01:19:24,969 - So you're gonna kill me? 1095 01:19:24,969 --> 01:19:25,803 - Well not exactly. 1096 01:19:25,803 --> 01:19:27,805 I'm gonna freeze you cryogenically 1097 01:19:27,805 --> 01:19:29,848 and then we'll be together forever. 1098 01:19:29,848 --> 01:19:30,640 ' No! 1099 01:19:33,310 --> 01:19:36,021 - Drop the bone, Stanley. 1100 01:19:36,021 --> 01:19:37,105 - Make me. 1101 01:19:37,106 --> 01:19:39,316 - I don't make garbage. 1102 01:19:39,316 --> 01:19:40,150 I burn it. 1103 01:19:40,150 --> 01:19:41,609 - Oh yeah? - Yeah. 1104 01:19:45,656 --> 01:19:47,491 Is that a ham bone Stanley? 1105 01:19:47,491 --> 01:19:48,867 - Why, yes, I think it is. 1106 01:19:48,867 --> 01:19:52,996 - Well that explains our little backstage porkfest. 1107 01:19:52,997 --> 01:19:54,540 Nice touch with the peg leg. 1108 01:19:54,540 --> 01:19:56,250 Where did you get it? 1109 01:19:57,459 --> 01:19:59,669 - My psychic, Madam Ben Wa. 1110 01:20:08,554 --> 01:20:09,638 - They're nowhere in sight. 1111 01:20:09,638 --> 01:20:11,014 - Ralph just disappeared. 1112 01:20:11,015 --> 01:20:12,641 - Well we gotta find him, it's almost midnight. 1113 01:20:12,641 --> 01:20:14,267 Tuty, is there another way out of here? 1114 01:20:14,268 --> 01:20:15,102 - YES. 1115 01:20:15,102 --> 01:20:16,978 There's a little door that goes upstairs over there. 1116 01:20:16,979 --> 01:20:18,271 - Great! 1117 01:20:34,121 --> 01:20:35,997 - The girl is mine! 1118 01:20:35,998 --> 01:20:37,374 ' Is not! 1119 01:20:41,086 --> 01:20:41,878 - IS tOO. 1120 01:20:43,005 --> 01:20:44,256 - Is not. 1121 01:20:44,256 --> 01:20:46,091 This time, the pirate loses. 1122 01:20:46,091 --> 01:20:49,844 All my life, I've been pushed around by punks like you. 1123 01:20:49,845 --> 01:20:52,055 No one ever believed in me. 1124 01:20:52,056 --> 01:20:54,558 I never even believed in myself. 1125 01:20:54,558 --> 01:20:56,935 I spent centuries wallowing in self-pity. 1126 01:20:56,935 --> 01:20:59,938 I was such a weakling, I couldn't even shake a cold. 1127 01:20:59,938 --> 01:21:02,065 The only person who believed in me was my mother, 1128 01:21:02,066 --> 01:21:03,358 God bless her. 1129 01:21:03,359 --> 01:21:05,069 If it weren't for that woman-- 1130 01:21:05,069 --> 01:21:07,404 - Oh Ralph, I'm sorry. 1131 01:21:07,404 --> 01:21:08,696 - Mom. 1132 01:21:08,697 --> 01:21:09,739 - Madam Ben Wa? 1133 01:21:09,740 --> 01:21:10,866 - Mrs. Levee? 1134 01:21:10,866 --> 01:21:11,992 - Madam Ben Wa? 1135 01:21:11,992 --> 01:21:13,493 ' Mom? 1136 01:21:13,494 --> 01:21:15,078 - I thought I was doing the right thing 1137 01:21:15,079 --> 01:21:17,414 but now I know I was wrong. 1138 01:21:17,414 --> 01:21:19,332 - You mean you were behind this the whole time? 1139 01:21:19,333 --> 01:21:20,834 - You were my little boy. 1140 01:21:20,834 --> 01:21:22,627 I didn't want you to leave home. 1141 01:21:22,628 --> 01:21:24,212 Now I know you're all grown up. 1142 01:21:24,213 --> 01:21:25,422 - You're in this together. 1143 01:21:25,422 --> 01:21:27,173 Die, vampire scum! 1144 01:21:27,174 --> 01:21:28,550 - Ralph! 1145 01:21:29,927 --> 01:21:32,429 - That was my mother you just boned. 1146 01:21:32,429 --> 01:21:34,055 - She was a traitor. 1147 01:21:36,725 --> 01:21:38,143 Nothing can stop me now. 1148 01:21:38,143 --> 01:21:38,977 ' No! 1149 01:21:38,977 --> 01:21:39,811 Ralph! 1150 01:21:39,812 --> 01:21:43,690 - Not so fast, you leave me no choice, Stanley. 1151 01:21:50,989 --> 01:21:53,199 Drop the ham bone, Stanley. 1152 01:22:00,082 --> 01:22:01,458 ' Two, one. 1153 01:22:02,918 --> 01:22:05,211 You are now totally relaxed yet energized 1154 01:22:05,212 --> 01:22:07,797 in a beautiful and harmonious way. 1155 01:22:07,798 --> 01:22:10,258 Imagine the energy of the universe coming in through 1156 01:22:10,259 --> 01:22:13,553 the top of your head and radiating out. 1157 01:22:13,554 --> 01:22:16,139 While gripping your nine iron, inhale deeply 1158 01:22:16,140 --> 01:22:19,017 and mentally repeat these affirmations: 1159 01:22:19,017 --> 01:22:22,645 my nine iron is an extension of my penis. 1160 01:22:22,646 --> 01:22:26,566 My nine iron is an extension of my penis. 1161 01:22:30,070 --> 01:22:32,280 - I knew that would come in handy one day. 1162 01:22:32,281 --> 01:22:34,366 Mona, are you alright? 1163 01:22:34,366 --> 01:22:35,825 - You know the second time around that bat thing 1164 01:22:35,826 --> 01:22:37,202 was kind of cute. 1165 01:22:39,913 --> 01:22:41,664 - Yowza, what happened here? 1166 01:22:41,665 --> 01:22:42,874 - It's after 12. 1167 01:22:42,875 --> 01:22:43,709 - You saved her. 1168 01:22:43,709 --> 01:22:44,459 - Yes! 1169 01:22:50,632 --> 01:22:51,424 Mom. 1170 01:22:53,135 --> 01:22:54,469 Come here. 1171 01:22:54,470 --> 01:22:55,262 - Oh. 1172 01:22:57,639 --> 01:22:59,182 Oh Ralphie. 1173 01:22:59,183 --> 01:23:00,517 Do you forgive me? 1174 01:23:03,103 --> 01:23:04,604 - Of course we forgive you. 1175 01:23:04,605 --> 01:23:05,731 - Oh, Ralphie! 1176 01:23:20,370 --> 01:23:21,412 - No hickies. 1177 01:23:22,498 --> 01:23:23,290 - Ralph? 1178 01:23:25,125 --> 01:23:25,917 Hey Ralph? 1179 01:23:29,630 --> 01:23:31,006 Ralph? 1180 01:23:31,006 --> 01:23:33,174 Where are you man? 1181 01:23:33,175 --> 01:23:33,967 Ralph! 1182 01:23:35,010 --> 01:23:35,802 Come on. 1183 01:23:38,096 --> 01:23:39,806 HEY, did you get her? 1184 01:23:41,141 --> 01:23:42,600 Ralph? 1185 01:23:42,601 --> 01:23:45,478 Come on, I'm ready, don't leave me. 1186 01:23:47,022 --> 01:23:47,856 Ral-- 1187 01:23:47,856 --> 01:23:49,941 Okay, I'll wait, I'll wait. 1188 01:23:49,942 --> 01:23:51,652 Ralph! Where are you? 1189 01:23:55,239 --> 01:23:57,241 Ralph, come on, I'm locked in here! 1190 01:23:57,241 --> 01:23:58,033 Ralph! 1191 01:24:01,620 --> 01:24:02,412 Okay. 1192 01:24:03,622 --> 01:24:04,497 Okay, fine. 1193 01:24:06,667 --> 01:24:08,001 To hell with this. 1194 01:24:47,749 --> 01:24:49,208 Wow, it's deja vu. 1195 01:24:55,132 --> 01:24:57,175 - The return of the king! 1196 01:27:38,086 --> 01:27:39,587 I Say Yo, yo I